You’re All Fucking Mental!

I wish you could see what I see. As a young child I remember being in awe of the world around me…..I saw a beautiful world; a world full of wonder and I wanted to explore it, then explore beyond…..
As I grew, though, the world became an increasingly dark and hostile place, and for reasons that to this day, I simply do not understand…

As a child you’re new to the world, and you rely on the adults in your life to guide you, and you believe what they tell you about how the world works, why it is the way it is, and where it all came from…..this of course, is a mistake you don’t even realise you’re making at the time.

I came to realise that as a species, humans are incredibly stupid: you divide yourselves along so many lines…you’re actually encouraged not to like one another, over the dumbest of stuff. I mean, from even before you’re born, the dividing begins.

I’m gonna start with religion here; it can be a sensitive one for some, and I struggle to be sensitive about it…..for the record: I don’t really understand why religion is still an actual thing; though, that doesn’t necessarily include all “spiritual(ity) teaching(s)”, or even necessarily a belief in god(s)….
I had the whole Catholic/Protestant thing to deal with…… So, up the road from my primary school, was a Protestant school, and the kids there were different from us, for some reason. I mean, they read the same bible, said many of the same prayers; they went to church the same day as us, they sang most of the same hymns, had the same celebrations, at the same time of year; the god is the same, and as best as I’ve been able to figure out, the only real thing they disagree on, is how to believe in this god…..people have died over this shit…a lot of people, on all sides……it’s fucking madness! I mean, seriously? How fucking ridiculous do you need to be, to kill each other over how to worship the Same Fucking God?
What do they think’s going on here? This god, sitting on his celestial throne, looking down upon us, nudges Jesus and says, “Ha! have you seen this?….they’re killing each other; brilliant! Who do you think’ll win?”….[they both laugh]’….

Oh, but wait for it, it gets even better, see then you learn there are Jews, and Jesus was actually one of them…..and then Muslims…..and guess what, they believe in this same god too – like, the exact same one – and you’ll never believe it: they’re also at it! they’re all at!……fighting with and within each other….all fighting over who believes in the same god better….or more rightly…or something……it’s fucking lunacy…….and it’s there with you, from before the day you really begin to get grips with the world around you.

But it doesn’t end there! No, no! There’s a multitude of other religions out there to chose from….. And let’s not forget the dead religions; fuck! how many are, and were, there?……They Cannot All Be Right… any of them? I mean, where to begin?……of Christianity alone there’s what? some 38,000+ denominations….. Judaism and Islam have their own denominations……Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism….are any of them “One Thing”?…No! No they aren’t…..

My view? If there is a god(s), then our paths to said god(s) is our own to find. Why on Earth would you allow your views and opinions to be delivered to you by a guy, in a frock, from a pulpit; based on their interpretation of a book with plot holes so big we can fit entire museums through them…. Religion, as far as I’m concerned, is simply the earliest form of social control. Before we had TV and social media and global connectivity, how do you think those in power imposed their will on the masses? Be able to Justify their wars and crusades, and provide a narrative that allows them to silence/kill dissent or questioning voices – denouncing them as heretics and turning entire communities against one another, should the need or desire arise?…….

The Religions have seized control over, and monopolised human spirituality to its own ends. It creates and fosters a perpetual climate of fear in its adherents, but fear of what? What some book says in it? or interpretation thereof? Some “hereafter” so full of neverending misery and despair, you would accept the dictats, decrees, and the egregious excesses of those who claim the authority of the god(s) they’re pushing…?
Religion not only took control of spirituality, it also claimed authority on truth. Of course, this has the rather frustrating tendancy to inhibit free enquiry – since anyone claiming truth, especially demonstrable truth, that contradicts dogma, becomes a threat; their problem now, being, that it’s no longer so easy to silence that threat with death…..well, in some places, in others it can still get you killed….fucking mental!
But the thing is, they don’t even live up to their own standards! Not even nearly! Time and time again we find religious figures/leaders/institutions around the world espousing “virtue and righteousness”, only to be later discovered embroiled in scandal – oftentimes of a horrific nature….

But why?….who is it claiming to have this “Authority of [the] God(s)”? Why do they think they have it? and more importantly, why do people agree with them that they do have it?……I just don’t get it…..I mean, let’s face it, given the reign the Religions have, and have had, they’ve made spectactular, outrageous, and all too often disgraceful and disgusting “errors in judgement” throughout the eons, and they still do: why is anyone still listening? Why do people who consider their soul to be precious, hand it over so willingly to these charlatans…..and they are ALL charlatans…… priests/ministers/rabbis/imams, the lot, not one of them is any closer to “God(s)” than you or me, why do you give these people your time and money? Baffles the life out of me!

Religion is an unnatural human divide, but it’s a fucking deep one. But who really benefits from it? Those in power of course. If ever they need or want something done, it’s always useful to those in power to have divisions to push: this can be done as a distraction, or for far more sinister agendas and objectives. People’s minds are pulled and pushed around in myriad ways, and they don’t even realise it’s happening..

Then there’s race, another fucking ridiculous division you’ve managed to allow come between you. Because people are born, or otherwise have heritage of, somewhere else on this clearly godforsaken ball of rock, and subsequently look a bit different, they are different; it doesn’t seem to register that given these differences don’t prevent successful mating, you’re probably far more alike than different – turns out massively so…….you idiots! And then you learn that because some people look different they were, and are, treated differently – less favourably – than others, who have some preferred superficial physical characteristic…why? because you’re told to, that’s why……and you humans are intellectually fucking lazy!……so you do what you’re told; besides, it turns out it’s remarkably easy to foster superiority complexes among you….

How is it you’re able to look at another human being, and just because their skin is a different colour, you think of them as “less” than you? I don’t get it: it makes no sense at all! We are one species – what is wrong with you?

But where does racism come from? Where are it’s origins? Well, the bible seems to get used to justify much of it, particularly in America, but here in the UK too.

And it doesn’t end there; you isolate groups and ‘other’ them, over stupid stuff, including but not limited: sexuality, politics, disability, hair colour [red-heads], handedness, fatness, thinness, football teams, dress style…..and on and on….it seems that when you see a difference, you automatically think ‘division’ rather than ‘diverse’…..but again, a society that views each other with suspicion and derision, benefits the powers that be: while everyone is so focused on those around them, they’re not really paying attention to what the powers are really up to, and as I said, whenever there’s a distraction needed, a division can be pushed: it ties up public conscience and discourse; often creates an “enemy”, and can be used to manipulate public opinion to justify sinister endeavours…

Which brings us to the widest, most deeply entrenched, longest standing, and most damaging division of them all: sex. Right now the division of the sexes, along with race and religion, is being pushed extraordinarily hard right now, which makes me wonder what it is the powers are really up to…it’s almost like they’re going for maximum distraction: they seem to really want academics, feminists [2nd & 4th waves/Radical], the intelligencia and other social thinkers swamped and tied in knots.

I’ve said before I find sexism truly bizarre. The way I see it, women and men are supposed to get along. Surely the sexes are supposed to complement one another? How can an allegedly “Intelligent” species be so stupid to supress the presence, efforts, and achievements of HALF [give or take] its population? It really doesn’t make sense AT ALL!!…….. I mean, how on Earth do you expect to truly surpass yourselves? And to any men reading this, men who pride themselves on being the “rational ones”, and believe themselves to be all logical and stuff: does it make sense to you?
I remember when I first encountered the word ‘Feminism’ and read its definition – which went along the lines of [paraphrasing] “the movement for women’s social, economic and political equality with men” – and at first I was stumped, I’ll admit. Why isn’t that already the case? Why do we need a word for this? For me, equality of the sexes was, is, a no brainer….so why is it this is still an issue? It makes no sense.

Surely it doesn’t take much thinking to realise that if both sexes are pushed to excel, future generations will be excellent…..or is that really too much of a stretch for some people?

But no, for revery advance that feminists made, the system fought back, and now women find themselves in a very precarious situtation. Around the world, women’s rights are being rolled back – from abortion bans to the attack on the very definition of ‘woman’, the political landscape for women looks bleak…..something needs done to address this!

But where does sexism come from? How is it justified? Well, a substantially large part of that is, guess what, religion. Religious texts have always been used to justify the subjugation of women, as some sort of god given right. “Holy” texts, written by men for men, and their damaging dogmas and ideas, have been allowed to flourish in societies around the world for far too long! For some reason, everyone just goes along with them….even today, in what is the 21st Century……it is truly bizarre.
I was born in 1980, but in terms of how long humans have been around, it’s actually probably closer to 276,980…..and by the time I come along, human adults are still buying into, and wholeheartedly believing in, these fairy tales pushed as truth, that are “Holy” texts…… How is it, by the time I come along in the human story, problems of sexism and racism are still rampant? Why have these problems not been resolved already? What the fuck is wrong with you all?!

Why do you continue to allow yourselves to be convinced of such stupidity? And let’s face it, the stupid out there is incredible; from flat earthers, through young earth creationists, to anti-vaxxers, you can be convinced of any old shite. And then you pass this nonsense on to your kids, who believe you because you’re an adult….

It’s madness; my whole life I’ve sat back and wondered what the fuck is going….”What the fuck is wrong with people?” is a phrase I use many many times, each and every day I’m confronted by you stupid fuckers.

The truth is, you’ll never smash Patriarchy until the religions fall. While religious institutions still have political influence, the Patriarchy will stand. Religious institutions have influence over education, health, and law and order via mandatory representation on Education Authorities, to a bunch of enelected bishops sitting in the House of Lords! And that’s here in the UK; I don’t even want to begin unpicking the religious interference in US politics…..bloody hell…

I simply do not understand how it is that the major religions still hold so much power? Religious institutions have been responsible for some of the most divisive rhetoric out there: against women, against homosexuals, against other religions…..what have they actually achieved in the thousands of years you’ve given them authority over you? How many more are you actually going to give them before you accept they are responsible for many of humanities darkest moments, and continue to be – with child sex abuse rife across many religions, the recent disclosure of the sexual abuse of nuns in the Catholic Church (how the Catholic Church still stands both amazes and horrifies me); their control and subjugation of women throughout the ages; I simply don’t understand why people still give them the credence they need to continue what they’re doing. When will people take a step back and recognise it for the obvious nonsense it is?

But of course, it’s not just religion now is it? For many now, it’s not the pulpit they get their opinions from, it’s the constant stream of propaganda you call “News”, served up as daily doses of “Here’s what we want [need?] you to think today”; bulletins via print media and television – including entire channels – all playing out the necessary narrative to make sure you be the good citizens they need you to be, by not really paying attention, and swallowing whatever bullshit they feed you.

Look, you all share this world, and you only have this one, yet the rate at which you’re killing it is frightening, and people out there don’t believe it’s happening. Not only do you consume the planets resources with no concern for it’s impact, you have allowed corporations to “take ownership” of these resources and actually charge you for them….I’ve often wondered whether ALL this is just for some bet, to see if they could actually find a way to ultimately charge you for the air you breath….

So How? How can it be that a species with so much potential, can allow itself to be sheperded into so many pens/boxes/whatever, that you feel so distant from one another to the extent you exert anything up to and including lethal force against others, in other boxes…… How have you become so apathetic to the natural word around you, that you’ll allow corporations and governments destroy it with impunity, and ultimately CHARGE people who take action to protect it?

Is it any wonder I’m a misanthrope? Allbeit one with a sunny disposition…..

To Men

So, if you’re a man, and you believe you’re one of the good guys – ye know: you believe women and men are equal, and you show, in how you live your life – then this is for you……..incidentally, did it annoy you that I put ‘women’ first, there? You don’t need to answer, but if it did, think about that…..

Now. you may be reading this because you happened to come across it, or it was put under your nose, perhaps, by your female partner, or relative – I’m going to come back to them later, so it’s important you keep in them in mind…….I’m also gonna do my best to keep this as “Man Version” as I can……

Right now, women are in crisis. Around the world, women’s rights – hard won through blood, sweat, tears, and lives – are under attack; including in places where they really weren’t that great in the first place. Now I get you may not fully see this or understand this at the moment, but take a step back and think about the war on abortion, particularly in America, where the obscenity that is the state forcing 11 year old girls to carry their rapists babies to term…..America! Land of the free and all that! Really? And what about Sex Self ID being pushed through here in the UK, as part of GRA reforms, that will effectively abolish sex as a class, meaning women will no longer be able to access single sex spaces and services: they will be carved up and made accessible to any man…..just any man…and it would be a hate crime…a fucking HATE CRIME!! for any woman to challenge the presence of any man in their spaces……so long as he says the five magic words: “I identify as a woman”….he doesn’t need to be under any medical supervision; he doesn’t need to be on hormones, or indeed have had the surgery; he doesn’t even need to make any effort, of any kind, and to challenge him would be a hate crime: the women in your life will have no space away from dangerous and predatory males…….now while that sinks in, here’s an example of the madness that is Seld ID: not only MUST you believe and accept this person is a woman, you MUST also accept he is a lesbian too……oh, let me tell you: woe betide any actual lesbian who would refuse to “date” men like him because they have a penis…..

And if you really, really want to know just how bad this gets, once we’re done here, go read up on Jonathan (Jessica) Yaniv…….you will be horrified!!

So no doubt, women are in crisis, and they’re fighting back, but here’s the kicker: men are in crisis too. You know it; you feel it; everyday you see another report of a rape, or a woman murdered by an ex or current partner. You know it from your own experiences: from the denial of your emotions, to the reluctance in seeking medical advice. You know when time and time again, suicide reports show alarming rates in men. You know it, yet I bet you if you reflect deeply enough, you know that your behaviours when you interact with other men, actually re-enforce many of the harmful ideas that keep this going…..

Male on male violence is an epidemic, everywhere. Again, you know this: you feel it everytime you go out. There’s a toxicity that permeates males and masulinity, and it’s doing you untold damage.

So yes, women are in crisis, and men are in crisis, but do you know what’s not in crisis? Patriarchy. It’s not in crisis, it’s merrily going along imposing its will on the world….sure, it’s suffered some defeats, but let’s face it, things are getting worse, and that’s because that’s the way Patriarchy wants it….. It’s Patriarchy, and the socialisation it pushes on males, that demands you rein and control your emotions; it’s Patriarchy that demands males think of themselves as indestructable, and they always be tough – “tough it out!”, “Be a man!”. Patriarchy is playing you! It needs you to fill its ranks of Police, to manage its labour pool [society and communities]; it needs you to fill its ranks in the military, to carry out its wars for resources; it needs your physical labour to build its buildings, its roads, its oil rigs, its refineries, and cut down Earth’s forests, destroy its environments, and kill its animal species….It also needs you to distrust women, and you do….

You see, Patriarchy needs women to keep producing the future generations of cheaper and cheaper labour – hence all these abortion laws coming out. It needs men not to listen to women, about their lives and the challenges they face, because if you did, the whole thing might just collapse….. I’m gonna go out on a limb and make a prediction: when it comes to feminists (and I mean the proper ones, not the 3rd wave, libfem, sex work is empowering and all that jazz, mob), you are of the impression their complaints are over-exaggered, and it feels like they want to swap one set of double standards, for another set that go the other way, and you don’t really see where the “equal” thing is coming from… I said, you’re being played: for every advance that women have made to emancipate themselves from Patriarchy, Patriarchy has managed to frame this in the minds of men, as an attack on, and hatred of them. How often are the concerns of women truly listened to, without people thinking they’re exaggerating or making it up?……time and time again rapist, domestic abuser, and murderer walks free. How often are you so dismissive of the women in your life, I wonder….

But now we come to the kicker: just how bad is this? As a “Good Man”, surely you would know if it was really bad: you would have stepped in, stepped up, so it can’t be that bad, right?……well here’s where I want you to think about your wife/fiancee/partner, and if they’re in the room with you now, I want you to look into her eyes and realise that right now, the woman you claim to love, is in statistically the most dangerous place she can be: her own home….because you’re there, and this holds true for your mother with your father, or other partner; your sister and her man, and perhaps even your teenage daughter with her boyfriend. And even if you split up, she is still in a statistically very dangerous place, because it’s in “her own home”; in fact, if we strip that back a bit further, the statistically most dangerous thing a female can do, is get involved with a male in the first place!………..Now, let me ask you: is this to be the legacy of “Good Men” – epidemic violence against women and girls? if it all goes to shit tomorrow, do you think “Men”, who’d likely be the ones responsible anyway, will be remembered as having “Stepped in, or Stepped up”?…..’cause I don’t.

Now, that really should make you feel sick to the pit of your stomach! How could this be allowed to happen…..and more importantly: what the fuck are you going to do about it?

There’s a few things you could do: firstly, you gotta recognise that Patriarchy is NOT YOUR FRIEND!!! it’s ruining your lives, the lives of males of the future, and the lives of women and girls associated with them. Patriarchy deliberately drives you, as men, to distraction: from the demands on your emotions, through the socialisation that tells you “girl/woman” is the worst thing a human can be, and punishes heavily for any perceived “femininity”, to the brutal and violent pornography designed to obliterate the humanity of women, and reduce them to objects to be fucked, beaten, tortured, and degraded, and it works: men are behaving just as Patriarchy wants them to…..

The next thing you can do is stop watching porn! Think about it: is porn today the same as it was say, even 10 years ago? No, no it’s not! In fact, it’s a far cry from what it was: it’s far more violent than it ever was, and it’s getting worse……again, you fucking know this! But think about it: all those boys growing up today, with that kind of porn at their fingertips, what are they being taught about girls….your daughter, perhaps, or a niece, or even a younger sister……and we know porn is having a damaging effect on boy’s minds and sexual development:

For the love of all that is good, please recognise that prostitution is paid rape. I know recent 3rd wave libfem types will tell you it’s empowering for women, and sex work is work, it’s not, it’s exploitation pure and simple…. I’ve been to 3 meetings and watched Julie Bindel speak passionately about this subject; here is an article of hers in the telegraph – please take the time to read it, perhaps even buy her book:

Next, familiarise yourself with this diagram:

See all that stuff at the bottom of the pyramid, that shit! Stop that shit! If the stuff at bottom stops, the horrors above it stop too. If/when you’re out with your mates, and a beautiful women walks in, and that one dick of the group makes some joke about how he wouldn’t stop banging her, or some other misogynistic crap, don’t laugh; call him out on his shit…..if you laugh, it legitimises the misogyny in his head; so does your silence…

If you want a helpful guide on some of the quick ways you can help the women in your life, please read this excellent piece by the fabulous Dr Jessica Eaton:

Organise! Women have feminism which is their struggle for liberation from Patriarchy; you need to liberate yourselves from it too, and women can’t, and won’t, do it for you: it has to come from you! You must work with one another to dismantle this dangerous social system that harms the boys that become the men.

Next, I want you to read the following news article:

You’ll notice that the riot was started because men WANTED to hear Christabel Pankhurst speak, and started the fight against those who’d have her silenced. Plus, she actually had male supporters who were prepared to lend their muscle to her cause: be like those men! If there are feminist groups in your area, get involved as allies; attend their events, and make sure they’re heard.

But the most important thing of all: listen to the women in your life. Hear the stories they have to tell; don’t butt in or interrupt, just listen to the pain, and often fear, that’ll accompany the things they have to say. And for fuck sake DO NOT, “Not All Men Are Like That” over what she’s telling you: only when the problem is truly fixed will that even be remotely considered a legitimate response….

Now, before I go, I know you men are fond of big ideas, so here’s one for you: every man who’s ever had their life saved by a bulletproof vest, has Stephanie Kwolek to thank: she invented Kevlar. Every man who’s used a computer, has Ada Lovelace to thank. Every man who’s safely driven his car in the rain has Mary Anderson to thank: she invented windscreen wipers……If you want the Star Trek, sci-fi future where we’re trapsing between the stars and mining asteriods and stuff, guess what: you need women! If women and men can both liberate themselves for the slavery that is Patriarchy, our future could be incredible….

Oh, and tick tock, the world’s on fire: time ain’t a luxury you have right now…..



I, Transsexual (Part V)

Well, there’s certainly no doubt things are getting gritty; it seems more and more people are beginning to wake up to the madness: sport has taken centre stage in the unfolding social calamity that is the “Trans Rights Movement”, and people’s attention is now caught.

Serious questions are now being asked: it’s taken Rachael McKinnon’s absurd claims, and for accomplished sportswomen – who thankfully DO have the ear of the public conscience – publicly challenging them that finally, far more people are beginning to stop and think ‘heeey, waaaait a minute’….………if only women in academia, music, politics and more had such sway, this may have been nipped in the bud long ago……

Hopefully this, now, is the beginning of the end for the Trans-Lobby and Gender Ideology/Queer Theory; as the thread is pulled from the toxic narrative woven into the current social fabric, it should surely now be fully exposed for the misogynistic, homophobic, totalitarian, fascist agenda that it is….but let’s not kid ourselves, there’ll be a huge fucking mess to clear up afterwards…….and we’ve still to see what the Consultations come back with – regardless of which, someone’s not gonna be happy.

If we’re to successfully navigate our way through this while the battles are being fought, we also need to build consensus on what a successful outcome might actually look like. Ideas need to be presented, discussed, augmented or rejected where necessary, agreed, then put into practice. Everyone seems to speak volumes about how they want “Calm, reasoned debate and discussion”, but this rarely if ever seems to happen, and they certainly don’t result in ‘resolutions’…….the latest real wins I’ve seen have largely been climb downs on the back of open letters, petitions and the like….and let’s keep going with that: it can and does work.
We need to identify particular areas of conflict, like, say, sport, and organise proper sit down, round table meetings/conferences/committees with representatives of all involved parties, including, but not limited to: sports’ governing bodies, women’s groups, trans groups, sports scientists, relevant government ministers…… hammer out solutions to “trans” inclusion in sports, how they could be implemented, governance thereof, timescales, milestones, etc…
Of course, it’s not just sport, there’s a multitude of other things that need to be addressed – some more pressing than others.

Some effort needs to be made on focusing the current anger and frustration into something constructive. Broadly speaking it’s chaos out there, and the picture looks bleak – people are freaking out, and understandably so: what is there we can point to and say “Look, it’s alright: we’re working on it, and here’s what’s happening….”. Is there a strategy? I mean, as far as I can tell society…nae, civilisation, is in complete disarray right now….we’re all at war with each other over all sorts of shit, while we really should be focusing on bringing down those benefiting from exploitation and rampant, widespread inequality…..but that’s for another time….
So anyway, no, it doesn’t appear there is one…..and fuck! how can there be? While Gender Ideology thankfully falls apart: the political establishment continues to be complicit, with the left is so “woke” words have lost all meaning; “trans” orgs/people are spiralling, becoming louder and more frantic as their psychosis unravels; radical feminists have had their own schism(s), demonstrating that inflated egos aren’t the preserve of men; GC men’s groups are sparse, and simply not attracting the numbers they need – since generally speaking, men don’t give a fuck; many transsexuals are running for cover to try salvage what quiet life they had hoped for, and as best I can tell, it’s largely the GC women and groups in the middle ground facilitating what conversation there is, while mediating it all and generally trying to keep the calm……..and the ones being pulled in the most directions, committing the most emotional labour, and no doubt getting stressed out the most……no surprises there then, I guess….. Since it would appear we transsexuals find ourselves somewhat at the fulcrum of this raging battle, perhaps it’s incumbent on us to play a larger, more visible role and lift as much of the burden of facilitating, mediating and keeping the calm as we can……

It’s no secret I’m in the process of trying to form a group – just doing it very slowly and cautiously – the focus of which would be to provide a ‘Transsexual Perspective’ to these discussions on those areas of conflict… fact, it’s my intent that said group would host and facilitate as many of them as it can….we need to grab this situation by the scruff of it’s neck.

Everyone, please, take a step back, breathe, put ego aside, and get your thinking heads on. How on Earth are we ever gonna get anything like the outcome we need if we can’t, or won’t, sit down and figure out between us what that is?……We need a concerted effort to not only stop the Trans-Lobby and Gender Ideology, but also to think about how we go about repairing the damage it has caused. But how is that going to be possible with the situation as it currently is?
Trans-Activists won’t debate, and no wonder: they know fine well none of their claims stands up to scrutiny – and they seem quite successful in deplatforming other speakers when they are asked to account for themselves; meanwhile, on the radical feminist and gender critical side, there’s been a fair bit of rushing to judgement, finger pointing, and lashing out… where the fuck is that gonna get us? I mean I get how it happened, but we need to get a grip of ourselves and begin to, dare I say, adult our way out of this…..?

Wider change is needed; desperately so…..and ye know, I’ve never understood how humans managed to allow themselves to be sooo divided by and over sex anyway – it’s actually bonkers…. Yes, the greed of men is primarily to blame, but how much are complacency and intellectual laziness contributing factors?……integrity also seems to be seriously lacking across the MILLENNIA preceding my birth, and up to and including this very day…’s actually getting worse.
As far as I can tell, women and men are supposed to get along…….but they don’t, and this baffles me….. How is an [allegedly] intelligent species supposed to surpass itself when it goes about suppressing the talents, efforts and contributions of more than half its population? And the violence used to do so being nothing short of evil!?……..”Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities” – Voltaire…….something to think about….
I don’t get it: surely if both males and females are equally pushed and encouraged to excel, future generations will be excellent, right? or am I missing something?…… Perhaps then we would achieve that “Human Awakening” we could really be doing with right about now…….no?……don’t know?…….

But anyway, what do I know?……as I said, we’ve yet to hear the outcome of the GRA Consultations, but now might be a good time to get ahead of the game a bit, eh?……can we?…..

Peace ✌️


Crash the Fucking System!

So, I put this up on twitter, sometime last year before I got banned, and I was super high at the time…..yeah……enjoy the shit that I put up with, that passes through my mind almost endlessly every day…

Ye know, it’s doable….. #smashthepatriarchy…if you reeaally wanna do it, it can be done…would take widespre…well Global really, participation….or lack thereof…Wouldn’t take that long either: could be done in a week, I reckon; possibly less than…
It’d be a specific week, right enough…well, one of two – I’m not best placed to decide…
You’d need to be prepared though; some planning will be needed.

The next best opportunitieswill be week commencing 25th March 2019, or week commencing 1st April 2019. For 1 week, DO NOT spend a penny; DO NOT go to work. If you’re on minimum wage or a zero hour contract; if you’re stressed out because your useless manager, only there because they’re either part of an “office clique”, or a useful idiot to someone else, then take a week off – do nothing; or get to know your neighbours.
If you’re tired of what the political establishments of the world do, with their war games costing real lives, serving only as a means to “secure resources”, while they consume your wealth, kick back, you take the week off too.
Stop being a cog in their fucked up machine for a bit….what are they going to do? Send in the police to drag you all out your homes to get to work? The Army? Seriously? What if they say no? What if they take the week off too? What happens when the police officers take a step back, and realise they’re not protecting their communities at all, they “manage them” – they’re protecting the corporate and political elite? What did the child in many, I’d imagine, think it was going to be like?
Sack you from your jobs? Where do they then get their replacement “labour”? Everyone else who took part…! Will power then not return to the people?

There is of course inherent risks – I’d rather not put some ideas in peoples’ heads; but for evil men to accomplish their purpose it is only necessary that good men should do nothingMaybe it’s time to put “Good Men” on the spot a bit….

It is conceptually easy but…..

I, Transsexual (Part IV)

So what is ‘winning’, for us, gonna look like here? I mean, let’s face it, we have an absolute mountain to climb.

We do have tremendous support out there, much of it from the radfem and gender critical groups/people….but the landscape has changed, and we have to change too; we must support women and girls, and help defend their rights throughout this twisted war on them…

I said before, our lives generally consisted of doing what needed done, then getting on with it; as someone I know recently put it: transsexuals not only do adapt, but want to adapt into a balanced accommodation with society…. However, at the moment, this isn’t necessarily what many women are seeing; what they see is, from the same person: transgenders seem to carry most of their baggage with them, and want not to adapt themselves to fit in, but make the rest of the world adapt and validate their identity as it is….. We’ve been blindsided by the “transgender umbrella”, and we’re the only ones who can save our own skin in this….no one’s gonna do it for us, but many are prepared to help.

Sadly, this means we have to be far more visible than we’ve ever been before, and while this will necessarily come with risks, it can come with potentially great victories, and give us the space in society to have wins that are truly ours to be had…’s important to note here, when I talk of transsexuals, I mean all transsexuals… transmen are too often overlooked, and have been fairy quiet through all this, but their future is in just as much jeopardy. We are two too small groups individually, together we can become a….well a bigger very small group.

Right off the bat, we need to reclaim some language, and probably add some more. Over the course of the Gender War, language, and the use thereof, is going to be crucial, and we need our own. Now I get there are women out there who object even to ‘transwoman’ [no space], but back in my Twitter days I tried to open a discussion on this very subject, ye know, to see if there was an alternative we could all agree on….no one got involved, and the only person who did (a woman) told me not to bother, stick with what we’ve got and make it work….and if I had access to my Twitter I could prove it too….besides, ‘transwoman’ and ‘transman’ are in the OED already defined. We know and acknowledge that transwomen are a subset of males, and transmen of females; suggesting otherwise is counter productive….
Another word is ‘Transvestite’; as someone recently asked, “Where have all the transvestites gone?”…..and it’s a good question. I know some wonderful men who are transvestites, and they rock it! They own it!…..or they certainly did up until recently, at least….. “Transgender” has shown itself to be a linguistic parasite in all this…..also, and I know it’s a pejoritive, but “Trender”…..I’ll leave that one out there for now…..

No doubt the topic of third spaces will arise as time progresses, and this is an important conversation to have. I suspect the objection to third spaces largely comes from a visceral reaction to the thought of it….I know, I feel it: it’s because it feels very “othering”…. Well, we are kinda “other”, if you really think about it – if we want to cement our very small place in society, we’re gonna have to own that, and bollocks to everyone else….still, my only issue now is: who all believes they have the right to access such spaces?….. Questions over layouts, specific requirements etc, could all be hammered out….but let’s say we pull it off, could we maybe count that as a win?….

Sports is another one we’re gonna have to deal with, and there are solutions out there; I’ve thought of one I reckon could be readily [relatively] implemented across a wide number of sports and activities….I’m not gonna go into detail here, and there is a lot to be worked out, but it would mean we could have our sporting achievements, that are genuinely ours…why wouldn’t we want that?…

Think about STEM, literature, music, other art, philiosphy, politics,….whatever; if we proudly identify ourselves, can’t we record wins in all these areas?…..[Teacher to class] “…was invented by Bob Such’n’such, a prominent transman in the twenty twenties; he is also quoted as saying “blah de blah” of what/whoever”…you get the picture”; “The author, Sue Whitsherface, uses her perspective as a transsexual in that era to do something about whatever happened, blah de blah….” – can we not record wins like that? The only way we can really get them is to be more visible, and honest about who we are…..

And just one last one I’m gonna touch on here: children. Of all the conversations, this is the most important. Me personally, I want a proper end-to-end structure with exit points/strategies clearly worked in, and surgery no younger than, ideally, though possibly younger in potentially some certain circumstances, 21….. Again, there is much to be discussed. It is a delicate subject and believe it or not, all parties involved are gonna have to act like adults….shocker, I know, right?

All is not lost, yet, but it definitely will be if we don’t get off our arses….

Peace out, for now..




We are a group of transsexual men and women – different human beings sharing one thing. Each of us knew early in life that something was wrong.

Physically we were defined as one sex but had internal dissonance that we were the other. It manifests to us as an overwhelming body/mind miss match, but its cause is not assumed or yet known.

Faced with this we did what most people would do confronting gender dysphoria – seek help from doctors, be examined, look for causes, try solutions and only after lengthy physical and psychological assessment consider surgical and hormonal transition to adapt our sexual characteristics.

Some of us are passing through this process. Others completed these stages decades ago. We accept our transition is an accommodation but it is the recommended medical pathway.

With safeguards this process works. We are able to live happy, productive lives and contribute to society in many ways.

Our legal rights were once few but we lived peacefully and respectfully with others and got on with our lives.

Things changed around the turn of the century when the GRA (Gender Recognition Act) was created in the UK. Parliament in 2004 was told by doctors that about 5000 transsexuals would apply. 15 years later 4910 have. So this was not reflecting a sudden fad. It was well predicted by medicine after decades of study.

Things have altered dramatically and we are very concerned. The GRA was a mutual bond of trust between us and society. For the right to be legally defined as the sex we transition into, we accept a need for lengthy assessment and gatekeeping. We also accept exemptions where in things such as refuges, shortlists and sports one on one assessment is made and we can be excluded.

Then Stonewall, a charity advising the government, promoted a ‘transgender umbrella’. We 5000 transsexuals were made one tiny part of 500,000 now defined as trans or transgender.

There is a bewildering array of others, from those who are genuinely gender confused or identify as both genders, live as cross dressers, or appear to have psychological problems. We are as puzzled by such concepts as many others.

The reason is simple – these are trans gendervariations. They come from discomfort with ability to express gender roles.

Trans sexuals are not driven by gender expression – but have dysphoria caused by rejection of their bodily sex. Its cause is not known but it produces severe distress. The important need of transsexuals to physically transition results from this cause and there is a consequent lack of necessity for physical transition for those who are trans gender.

We respect the rights of transgender people to express their lifestyle without repression.

However, gender and sex are not the same and some of those seeking to remove all gatekeeping were in the past medically excluded from the NHS transition process because they did not have this dysphoria. Different treatment protocols and protections for society may be appropriate in both cases and could be compromised if treated as being equivalent.

As such we fear safety is at risk for those transitioning unwisely without considering all options or being assessed for appropriate causes. Cases of de-transition are being reported more often when, with gatekeeping, these were rare.

We also worry about children who may be put on irreversible medication too young for them to be sure whether they are trans gender or transsexual or something else that may not require it.

Much more research is necessary but is often blocked by activism claiming it is transphobic. We regard it as nothing of the sort, but rather essential to offer better options for an insidious medical condition we wish upon nobody.

Consequently we believe that as transsexuals we cannot continue as part of this Stonewall umbrella, which, we feel, conflates a sex based medical condition with lifestyle choices and gender expression. And makes statements and decisions we disagree with profoundly.

Without claiming to know causes for either condition nor arguing that sex can be literally changed we see real dangers in equivocating things that require very different treatment and have consequences that will also impact themselves on society differently.

We feel that, in listening to this advice, government planning for self-ID into safe spaces that are currently well gatekept by psychiatrists is doing a disservice to many people – notably women and girls, the 5000 transsexuals for whom the GRA was written specifically and the many thousands of others it may inadvisably encourage to transition by making it too easy to do so.

Potentially this will have serious long term irretrievable consequences on those for whom gatekeeping may before have given time for careful thought or deterred such actions.

Therefore, the undersigned, as transsexual men and women, formally advise that we no longer wish to be considered part of the Stonewall umbrella.

At present we are 14 who have taken this stand but we believe that there are more of you ready to offer support. If you feel able please make that known. 

If you are transsexual and agree with our concerns, add your name, or a user name, initials, or just an occupation to this statement. 

Thank you.

Signed:- Amanda Dee, Emma Haywood, Jennifer Kenyon, Leanne Mills, Jenny Randles, Melissa Symes, Gillian (electronics engineer), Sarah (broadcast engineer), Sarah (university lecturer), Zia, FP (business owner), JY (support worker) & usernames – babywantsbluevelvet, Seven Hex, Rose of Dawn, Asha Britt.

I, Transsexual (Part III)

So what do we do now? how are we transsexuals, male and female, going to get through this? It’s gonna be tough, I can tell you that…

First, as I said before, we have to consider our older generations: those of us who transitioned decades ago, fought what had to be fought back then, and did their level best to assimilate quietly back into society, and did so without incident since. My heart goes out to them: many are scared, and I hope some sort of amnesty can be agreed; I’m certainly not going to be asking anything of them, other than for their support.

This fight is in the hands of my generation and below…. Some may question why they would, or indeed should: after all, it’s potentially risky as fuck, and we didn’t exactly start this whole shit show – we’re kinda victims in it all too……well, I’ll get to that…..

For any of this to work, it has to be done as part of, and within, a larger movement towards change – we know women want this, some men are coming round to this too, though many more need persuaded….we have our part to play in all this, and play it we must.

One of the biggest risks to transsexuals is the loss of access to health care, including hormone therapy and surgery. I’ve certainly seen a number of articles and posts appearing on my feed, in increasing frequency, more than suggesting that surgery isn’t the answer, it doesn’t help at all; it’s barbaric mutilation, purely elective etc; long term follow ups all show that statistically it has no benefit, and all those ‘Lost to follow up” are probably miserable…and on, and on….
But that is not the full picture: there are many of us who are more than happy with our outcomes, and rarely, if ever, see a specialist again once we’re done – fuck, no doubt I’ll be lost to follow up….maybe I’ll check in, but I really can’t be arsed…
Of course, this doesn’t detract from the very real problem that people for whom surgery isn’t right, are getting it, and the very real problems this creates in their lives. There are many detransitioners and it’s important we hear their stories: how else do we expect to be able to improve a service if we don’t do more to understand where it went wrong? These people need access to proper care and support, as do those for whom the surgery itself wasn’t successful, leaving them with lifelong complications; their stories need to be heard too.
I want to see these services improved, not removed. This current gender-ideology is pushing increasing numbers through the transition process; from children getting puberty blockers at first appointments, to large numbers of teenage girls rushing to get on “T”, the numbers are growing, putting services designed to accommodate a mere 5000 people, under huge strain. Underpinning this rise is a dangerous Affirmation Only policy that’s being promoted by the trans-lobby, but it’s important to understand that behind the trans-lobby and gender-ideology is a cabal of [mostly] white, straight men, who by and large have absolutely no intention of transition, surgical or otherwise. No, they just want to throw on a dress and a bit lippy (sometimes not even!), call it “social transition”, then trample all over women and their rights while using these kids’, transsexuals’, and Intersex people’s experiences to justify it….
Given we know the rates of desistance in children is exceptionally high, right now I wouldn’t consider it presumptuous to say we have a disaster on our hands. When all this eventually unfolds, how small will the voices of the already tiny number of us for whom it is right, be? And this isn’t even including the risk to access to surgery that Self ID brings, with its attempts to de-medicalise our condition with chants of “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans”…..make no mistake, the risk to the future generations of transsexuals is enormous!

Once again we find ourselves having to carve out spaces and opportunity in society – except this time the challenges facing us are far more daunting. Now, I can only talk from the perspective of a transwoman [incidentally, transwoman has a specific meaning: a male-to-female transsexual….trans woman (with a space) is not a real thing, so if you could all stop doing that, that’d be great, thanks], so can’t say too much on behalf of transmen [samesies on the definition], but their voices and views are important, and they will very much have their part to play in all this; I hope I’m able to encourage many to join me in protecting our joint future – theirs is in doubt too.

Only males can be transwomen; therefore, I am male. I’m also an adult. Technically, I am a man, and no amount of hormone replacement or surgery will actually change that….this is true of all transwomen whether we like it or not. The trouble is, the trans-lobby has people believing in the impossible: that we can literally change sex; that male can be, and is female, because they “feel it”….this is preposterous! And right now this “magicthink” is shaping policies that will ultimately not only have an apocalyptic effect on transsexuals, but once it’s done with us, the consequences for women and girls is unthinkably grim…

In Part II I highlighted that we have been weaponised by the trans-lobby, and by extension, patriarchy. If we are to turn this around, i.e. become a weapon against patriarchy, while attempting to secure our own future, then we have to take action! We must be seen to be separate and distinct from the transgenders [trenders?]. Where the transgenders were once able to point to us as justification for their actions and behaviours, we must now give women the opportunity to point to us in challenge of those actions and behaviours, and the very presence of those displaying them. It will be extremely difficult, and won’t be without incident, but the spaces and opportunities we carve out for ourselves must come from those of our natal sex….and yes, that does mean what you think it means…. You may wonder how this is going to help us in the long run…..well first, just watch all the misogynists, fetishists, incels, et al pack up their shit and disappear when access to female facilities/services is taken off the table; second, if access to facilities/services for the opposite sex is off the table, the chances are the only ones who’ll push for transition will be the ones for whom it is likely appropriate.
For transwomen, this could well be very dangerous – I’ve had a few dodgy moments myself; thankfully on one occasion there was a male friend in the toilets with me at the time…

As previously mentioned, this is only really going to work within a larger movement towards change. Toxic gender roles and norms need to go, and that change needs to be visible across all aspects of society – for example, are we really gonna tell boys and men it’s ok to wear dresses, heels, make up, and still be a boy/man, but then expect them in a [trouser] suit and tie in the office because ‘male’, for example?…… With initiatives like Let Toys be Toys, and Let Clothes be Clothes, can we really continue to expect dress standards based on sex? There’s a whole lot of deconstructing of gender to be done, and I’d like to think we will play an important part in doing just that.
Discussions across many groups need to be had to determine how to proceed, particularly if we are to do this as a united front of feminists, gender critical allies, transsexuals, and the emerging men’s groups pushing back on toxic gender ideology. There’s a lot to be hammered out, but if we are able to successfully break down the gender barriers, and everyone is free to express themselves, and pursue interests/ambitions/careers as they please, then a future where transsexuals use the facilities of their natal sex doesn’t sound so scary; it’s the getting there…. furthermore, in such an environment, transsexuals will be easier to identify: where gender expression is open and free to everyone – where pink, hair, dresses, makeup are seen as just much as ‘boy’ things as they are ‘girl’ things, and blue, dirt, football and cars are seen as just as much as ‘girl’ things as they are ‘boy’ things – the only ones seeking surgical transition will be the ones experiencing incongruence with their actual sex [genitals], rather than the societal expectations on them because of their sex….I am very much of the opinion that even if we are able to lift the shackles of gendered expectations from society as described, there will still be those pursuing transition; I understand many out there believe such a society will “cure” society of transsexualism…..I disagree, and if under these circumstances there is still people who want to transition, then, surely, our critics must agree there is something else going on… see where I’m going with that?…

So, back to the question of why would or should we. Well I expect many transsexuals out there, like me, have often wondered that if everyone would just give us a chance, believe us, and in us a little, then we might just be able to provide the middle ground needed to heal and mend this rift between women and men…..if they would just give us a moment, and accept that maybe we have something to say, and offer, we can help bring about peace between the sexes – possibly help bring an end to this seemingly perpetual war….
Sadly, we’re still not there, and the progress that had been made has been set back decades thanks to the trans-lobby. So now is the time. We have no choice. If we believe we can help, we must step forward. We must stand tall and be counted, no more scurrying into the shadows never to be seen or heard from – that road leads to ruin: just look at the situation we find ourselves in now. Our voices must be heard, and we must be visible: how can we expect to gain any traction with cementing our place in society if no one ever sees us? As difficult as it’ll be, we must step beyond the shame we feel at who and what we are, the shame that keeps us hidden, and be bold! We must confront our fears, so future generations don’t have to; step out and proudly show the world who we are. Fight for our rights, but within the scope of our sex classes. We are transsexuals, and that shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed of, but if we want a better future for the transsexuals of tomorrow, then stand side by side and shoulder to shoulder with women, work with them, and give them the ammunition they need to combat the gender madness that’s threatening not just their spaces, but their hard won rights.

This, as I say, ain’t gonna be easy. I’ve still got quite a bit to do, but I’m getting there; I just hope I’m able to persuade enough to join me when the time comes…this is bigger than our immediate preferences, and very much an emergency…

Peace ✌


I, Transsexual (Part II)

(originally posted to Fb 11/01/19)

After transition, it was all about getting on with life – try and make something of myself in this crazy world. Much of this was about trying to put my head down and keep myself to myself – the life of a transsexual is often built on loss and isolation.

I’ve always been open about who/what I am – I transitioned in work so many already knew, and word spreads… It’s no use getting upset by this – it happens, what’s the point in sulking and throwing tantrums? What does it achieve? Other than make you look like a snowflake, and who wants that? No, it achieves nothing. Instead, I was open about it; people knew they could, and they did, talk to me about it, and If they inadvertently used clumsy language, so what! I have almost infinite patience for those genuinely seeking understanding.

But on the whole I guess I did what many others like me do: try to quietly slip back into society, and get on with it. As a “group”, transsexuals, from my experience are as disparate as any other, and we certainly don’t maintain some sort of diaspora…..

Right now, the problem transsexuals have is one of credibility. The TRAs have been entirely successful in subsuming transsexuals into “transgender” in the wider public conscience, and we can’t not get tarnished by their shit as a result – consider the many women new to all this who, thanks to the “transgender umbrella”, may not recognise we’re a distinctly different people than the transvestites and crossdressers. They’re scared, and understandably so. If we [TSs] are going to recover any reputation, we need to be clearly distinguishable and separate from them…

Our future looks bleak: services are under incredible strain, and with dangerous affirmation only policies being proposed, particularly on children (is paediatrics up to speed with the impact all this may have on a developing child’s minds and bodies?), we can only expect the strain to increase; unless significant funding is thrown at it… But what happens when all those who should never been put on the medical pathway experience regret? What happens to our vital services when the extent of this current crisis becomes fully realised? They’ll disappear…and the path we have available to us to recover anything is very narrow – regardless of the outcome of the GRA Consultation, damage has been done.

It’s important to point out that current gender/trans ideology is being pushed by fetishistic men, who have no interest in transition outwith a change of clothes and a bit of lippy. If, hopefully, Self ID gets crushed, just watch the likes of Alex Drummond of Stonewall, take off his skirt, wipe off his lipstick, pack up his shit and disappear back into society as the man he is – he already has his beautifully groomed beard ready to go….meanwhile, people like me need to deal with the tattered reputation and poor public perception these men leave us with in their wake. There is going to be a generation of adults furious they’ve had their fertility stolen, their future happiness in jeopardy, all to satisfy and justify the twisted fantasies of these men.

In a world where we know desistance is high, and “gender incongruence” in children rights itself in the overwhelming majority of circumstances, why is the affirmation only policy being pushed? Why is watchful waiting, which is the recommendation from GIDS, being pushed to the side so easily? It’s easy, these kids are being politicised by transvestites and crossdressers who, by the way, have no interest in Actual transition – they’re pushing drugs and surgeries they themselves have no interest in getting – this is seriously alarming, and serious questions need to be asked.

This is all part of the multi-faceted War on Women, and the transgender umbrella has been their most effective weapon. That fucking umbrella’s purpose was to appropriate transsexuals and intersex people: they’ve stolen our lives and stories, and shoehorned them into a narrative that sounds progressive, but is actually an insidious agenda to hurt and erase women….and what a job they’ve done: the public has been thoroughly duped into accepting this.

So where does all this leave me, and others like me? Not in a great place as it happens….I’ll be honest: I wasn’t paying attention. After surgery, and actually for some time before, I had pretty much disappeared back into society; having had the therapy and subsequent diagnoses, it became a waiting game – there was no need to attend the clinic, and I rarely returned. Furthermore, the activities of the trans communities just weren’t on my radar… fact, I rarely interacted with other trans people……until now..

A year last October is when I really became aware of all this…and I was, am, horrified. Since then I’ve spoken out against this trans-cult, as have other transsexuals, but let’s face it, our numbers are tiny by comparison. I see some of what goes on in some transsexual groups, and the tone is sombre; there is a tremendous amount of fear.

The relatively ordinary life I was leading, where my transition was a very minor part who I was, has been destroyed, and now that I did transition sits front and centre, whether I want it to or not. No doubt this is true for many of us. How many of us have gone about our business, blended back into society, and built their lives over decades, for it all to be brought to a head now, with their future in doubt? How many has this doubt silenced?

But right now, there’s a bigger problem: women are under attack, and like it or not, we’re a weapon for the patriarchy….we need to be a weapon against the patriarchy…..and therein lies our path to recovering our credibility and place in society, and the very first thing we need to do, is get transsexuals, and intersex people, OUT from underneath that fucking “transgender umbrella”; they can no longer be allowed to appropriate us to justify their blatant misogyny.

Incidentally, if someone announces they’re “transgender”, push them a little further…. See, no one is just “transgender”; being an umbrella term, they would actually occupy a separate ‘group’ under that term….like, no one is just intersex – a term used to cover varying conditions that actually confirm the sex binary… So yeah, ask them what group they represent under that umbrella…’ll notice, from the picture below, the big “T” tag is for transsexual – but considering this requires diagnosis, and seems to be a term they’re determined to render obsolete, will they claim it? I suspect not since their claim likely couldn’t stand up to scrutiny; same goes for intersex.….so what would they be left with? Crossdresser? Transvestite? Some other gender nonsense? They can’t claim those since these can’t be reconciled with their narrative…’s the credibility and legitimacy of Transsexual and Intersex they rely on and roll into this “transgender identity”….it’s a nonsense, and a little probing exposes it…..I bet they’d avoid the question and try back out….don’t let them get away with just “transgender”…..

Peace ✌ 

I, Transsexual (Part I)

(originally posted to Fb 04/01/19)

Have you ever heard a song, smelled a smell, or come across an old item that reminds you of someone you’ve lost? And in that moment you are overcome with a sense of loss and grief; perhaps you cry…. It’s important to recognise that in that moment, you didn’t ‘decide’ to be overcome with emotion, you just were. We don’t actually have much control over our emotions, our feelings, or even the thoughts and sensations that pass through our minds: we only have control over how we react to those emotions and feelings; how they are translated into the world we share with others.

I guess my story is a familiar one: I was very young, 3 or 4 years old, when I felt there was something not quite right wrong with me…it was too big a concept for such a young mind, but I knew it was something to do with the bit I peed out. I was 8, when in a moment battered by a tsunami of emotion, the thoughts, as they passed through my mind, came to, “I should’ve been a girl”… but I wasn’t… what to do?… yes, this does amount to “born in the wrong body” but just on that: this, certainly for me, was never intended as a value statement on what has actually happened, rather, just a way to try and describe my/our experience to others – sadly this has been blown out of all context and we’ve been robbed of what was always just a nuanced piece of our language.

I was already being bullied in school, and feminine natured insults weren’t uncommon; though of them, I didn’t feel particularly insulted – but after that moment I did become panicked by them… that day I developed a strategy to prevent what I later called ‘Leakage’ – policing those little quirks I believed would “give me away” – and to copy what boys did: do what boys do. I also prayed. Adults had told me my whole life we were here because of this all powerful God, so I prayed to wake up a girl – after all, if I did it could only have been because of God, right? So the bullies couldn’t bully me, and my father couldn’t say shit either – who could argue against God’s decision?…..then I started bargaining with this God…….I was atheist by the time I was 12.

Outwardly, there was nothing that stood out; how many of you would have been “transed” by today’s standards? Me? Not so much….my interests as a child ranged from Sci-fi and fantasy books/tv/film, lego, Starcom, Thundercats; cars, fighter planes, trains [like, the superfast ones, not the shitty efforts we get here [UK]], anything of an engineering nature that said “Wow! Look what we [humans] can do!”, anything that showcased our technology; I played football, climbed trees, went on tours on my bmx, built rope swings and death slides; played 2-man hunt, did garden runs, and participated in many other mayhems….so unless I had explicitly told someone how I felt, I’d otherwise be observed as a boy, with “feminine edges” [..?] perhaps, might/probably turn out gay…I’d imagine…

Clothes and makeup and stuff didn’t really become a thing until much later on; sure, when it came to formal shit, like weddings, funerals, first communion, and all that jazz, girls’ stuff was way better and nicer, and I was a wee bit jealous, but when it came to, like, school and being out to play? Yeah, boys’ stuff was alright… I mean, the skirt and socks n that looked nice, but they’re no use for playing football and kicking about…

So what do I think happened? That was the moment I fully recognised myself as a male person, and it was a massive departure from the expectations I had of myself; it was an internal incongruence that overwhelmed me that morning, and set me off in a panic… Why I think this happened? Haven’t a fucking clue.

Growing up, my interaction with girls was managed…it was weird. Take for example, my primary school. The playground formed a U around the school, one side considerably larger than the other. In P1 to P3 the boys and girls shared the smaller one; from P4 to P7 the girls remained in the smaller playground while the boys moved to the larger one…this confused me deeply at the time, being thrust into this exclusive “boy” environment, and I felt alien; what also baffled me was how silent the girls were on the matter – I tried to question it, but quickly realised there was no point…
Football helped during these years – there’s not much talking and everyone’s running around following the rules….sort of… I didn’t have to communicate much, which was great, ‘cause I didn’t really “get” boys….nevertheless, I had to try.

Even when I was out to play, my interaction with girls was being policed, largely by my father. Whenever I came in, I’d be asked who I was with; if the answer contained only girls, I’d get heavily quizzed: “What were you doing?”, “Where were you?”, “Why weren’t there any boys there?”, “What’s wrong with the boys?”, “What did the girls want to do?”…..yada yada yada. If the answer contained boys and girls, I’d still get quizzed: “Who are the girls?”, “Why were they there?”, etc…. If It was just boys, I rarely got more than, “Did you have fun?”…. I got used to leaving girls out when talking to him, and if I had to mention a girl, she was someone else’s girlfriend…..I couldn’t say “She’s just a friend” without getting sat down and grilled about who this girl was, why I liked her…the works.

Now, it wasn’t that me not doing what girls were doing that particularly bothered me; it was, why weren’t more girls doing what I was doing, that bothered me far more…of course I now understand that was ‘cause of the shitty socialisation they got.

Puberty started kicking in in high school and it was traumatic: this was when the offending appendage went from a relatively benign, albeit irritating, aberration, to a full on fucking nightmare! There were times it just. would. not. leave. me. alone!
I struggled cope in school and at home, but cope I must. Playing football at breaks continued to help a bit, but it wouldn’t last. Leakage was becoming more of a problem and more difficult to police – absent mindedness was my enemy. I spent considerably more time with girls, and would usually be found with them through the later years of school, but this was still problematic: not necessarily because of how I related to them as girls, but how they related to me as boy – I just couldn’t seem to form the sort of friendships and bonds I felt I ought to be forming; there was always something missing. Then throw a developing sexuality into the mix and it becomes an even bigger head fuck; bearing in mind, in a Catholic family and in a Catholic school, only one sexuality is allowed…
At home my behaviours were still being monitored, and my actions were apparently becoming questionable too; even my walk didn’t escape criticism – I soon learned the quicker I walked, the easier it was to mask my gait, and to this day I still struggle to walk slowly….

By the time I had left school at 16 I was a mess, though you’d never have known it to look at me – I had learned to maintain the picture of serenity lest uncomfortable, probing questions be asked. Over the next few years I tried to just get on with it as I patiently waited for it to somehow work itself, whatever ‘it’ was, out. The growth spurt I was always told would happen, never did; I was told I’d be taller than my sister, probably than my father too….nope, my sister and I are about the same height, if she’s not a little taller. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t build muscle mass, and I wanted to! I had hoped that seeing myself in a more masculine form might help make things click into place, but it wouldn’t happen; my body didn’t really seem to be levelling up to “Man” like the other boys’ did.

The sex act itself was confusing – I’m not saying it wasn’t fun, but it was only fun in the same way playing an exuberant sport is fun. I mean, I knew what I was supposed to do, and I apparently got quite good at it, but I never ever really knew ‘Sexual Satisfaction’ – male orgasm was a particularly bizarre experience, one I can only really describe as “fuzzy”; I remember the first one, and rather than any sense of relief or satisfaction or whatever, the only thing that went through my mind at the time was “oh that’s what they’re all talking about”…. I’m not gonna lie, I did have many sexual relations, some one night stands, others in relationships, always hoping one of them would make it all make sense….it never did…the connection between me as a ‘sexed person’ with a ‘sexed body’ seemed to be missing, and no matter how hard I tried, it couldn’t be made – like 2 connectors trying to join, but can’t, like they have the same polarity or something….yet I had to persevere, what was the alternative? ‘Do what boys do’ had become ‘do what men do’, but no real sense would ever be made of it.

At 20 I was a wreck – drinking quite heavily and popping eccies every weekend and more – again, not that anybody could tell. By now the more gendered stuff, such as clothes and makeup etc, were beginning to have more of an impact and play on mind: the departure from, and widening gulf between, my expectations and my reality was becoming difficult to push out my mind. I came out as bisexual and started exploring relationships with men. I had always found men attractive, but up until this point any attraction fell under the auspices of my Leakage Prevention Protocols….

Sexual relations with men did nothing to resolve my issues: while there was definitely scope for emotional compatibility, and the moments up to sex did feel more congruent, the sex act itself still felt incomplete and not quite right (I was obviously the bottom, or passive, partner); although again, that doesn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t fun…

2 years later I was done, I was at my wits end, and by this time had started cross dressing, and all internal protocols concerning leakage were torn to bits, and yes, I was a mess – and this time the picture wasn’t so serene. I went to the doctor who arranged an appointment with the Gender Clinic in Glasgow. I attended the appointment and it went well, but at that time life had intervened in other ways and it wasn’t pursued further at that point. Within a few years I found myself being forced to re-adopt all the usual stereotypical man/male shit again; I had to try throw up all those internal walls, and once again employ Leakage Prevention…this did not go well…

A couple of years later and I was desperate. My mental state was Not in good shape: my psyche was fucked, my sexuality was in a dark place, and coupled with suicidal ideation, I was sexually fantasising my own murder – that’s how dark it got. I was a broken mess and in early ’08 I re-contacted the clinic directly (some 5 years on from the appointment) and they actually remembered me.

I was then on the pathway, and things were beginning to look positive – I knew it was going to be a long journey, and couldn’t expect everything all at once, I had to take that time and work through everything with the therapists, but I began to feel better…much better.

Before being put on oestrogen, I was put on an anti-androgen called Cyproterone Acetate. However, before they put me on that, they had to take a blood test to establish how much testosterone was there, ye know, to calculate dose etc…..they took the blood, the result came back….out of an expected range of 10 nmol/L to 36 nmol/L, I got 44.4 nmol/L….I was naturally pumping out testosterone levels people take steroids to get to; I’d have failed doping tests with that! And to look at me, this fact comes as shocking surprise to many – I was recently asked if I had an [Androgen] insensitivity, truthfully I don’t know…..if I did, would I then be believed? As you could probably imagine, from my perspective as a transsexual, this was…anomalous.

When I was put on hormones I began to feel far more settled, and finally the surgery just completed me…..then, after around a month and a half of recovery, I had sex….and for the first time ever, I understood it, it worked! The connection between the “sexed self” and the “sexed body” was made. My place within the sex act itself now made sense – it fit my psyche’s expectation; orgasm, far from being a confusing mess, now rang all the right bells and whistles – I now know sexual satisfaction.

I have long said my issue was with my sex, not gender. But please, if you can explain me and my experiences purely in terms of gender, be my guest, I’d love to hear it, but for me, all these discussions about “gender” don’t explain my experience. I am absolutely sure much of this rings true for others like me, and not just for transsexual males, I’d imagine there are similarities in the experiences of transsexual females too….these experiences are important – they make us who we are, and right now those experiences are being weaponised by dangerous misogynists to support their war on women – they’ve already done a sterling job on this, but now we must rise! Reclaim our experiences and fight back against the gender ideology that seeks to demedicalise us, while using us to justify their own ends.

Peace ✌

A gift…well maybe

I think it’ll work…

So, there has been a spike in activity on my timeline concerning climate change. At the moment, many will be aware my attention is largely tied up with the gender-ideology shit show; however, climate change is hugely important and it’s important we support those in that fight.

We’re all encouraged to do what we can, even if it’s just one thing, to help repair the damage we’ve done to our world. So, I’m going to take time out to offer this….I hope it works, if anyone can throw maths at it, or indeed build it (not that difficult – 3d printer, magnets, and some cables), and let me know if it does indeed work as well as I think it will……

So much of the technology we use needs a DC supply: your phone/laptop/tablet battery, your car battery – in fact, a battery IS a DC supply (I realise this shouldn’t need explaining, but…..). Anyway, even when you plug items into the mains [AC], the electronics will require DC – this requires passing the AC through a diode bridge (to flip the negative half of the cycle), before large capacitors smooth it out it out to a stable DC (my electronics is rusty, but I believe this is still how it’s done). Furthermore, mains is 230V rms, while most electronics’ll likely work off a rail between, usually, what, 5 to 12, maybe 15V…..possibly more in some circumstances?….but why don’t we just generate DC?

Over the years, I’ve developed a design (entirely in my mind – the guy who drew it probably needed therapy after working to try get it out) for what I think is a viable, local, stable DC supply…..

The below image shows the main body of the device. In the middle, you’ll notice the cylindrical section in the middle, and around it there is array of gaps – there is also a small lip: this is intended for a 1mm thick steel(?) ring to see if attempting to homogenise the [magnetic] field made a difference…yeah, so on that: the gaps are for magnets, all with the same polarity facing it out. On the wider section – that tapers backwards – on the vertical face, there is also a ringed groove, also for a magnet with the same [as the others] polarity facing out (though I’ve already thought of a redesign that should increase torque).

The next image shows the middle of the part is a ring: this slides over (leaving a 1mm gap between and around, in that design) the cylindrical section of the first part. Please note, from the cutaway section, that the ring has an internal magnetic array too; the magnets’ inward polarity would be the same as the outward polarity of the magnetic array around the cylindrical part, i.e. they’d oppose one another – not only is there a “friction-less surface”, but the “surfaces” would actually be pushing against one another. You’ll notice on the vertical surface of the inner ring the same groove as previously mentioned…

The third picture shows the front section – this has the receiving holes for the locking mechanism: the lugs can be seen on the front of the cylindrical section on the first image.

The next image shows a wire diagram of the device. You’ll notice, in the middle “core” section, I’ve offset the angle the magnets are set into the cylindrical, and ring section – this is to not only select direction of rotation, but also to hopefully provide not only a friction-less surface, but also one that is pushing away, and possibly constantly accelerating, in the selected direction…do it in a vacuum and you’d remove air resistance too..

The fifth image shows a complete assembly – the ringed, free floating section, shown in the second image, is highlighted in yellow.

The grated parts are where the wiring’ll be. Set out the length of the grated parts, the wiring will lie across the rotating, free floating section with a magnetic field passing quickly [hopefully] under it…with the right hand rule, we can see each wire’ll have an induced current/emf, and could act alone as it’s own battery for a given circuit, or looped round (again and again…?) to provide a chain of “batteries”….a DC supply…

Now, of course, an induced current will set up a magnetic field opposing the motion causing it – the first real bit of resistance so far; also, the further out from the “core”, the more ‘leverage’ should probably be considered. At some point, there’ll be an equilibrium between the turning force from the “core” and resistant, induced magnetic field, but I have no idea where that’d be. If necessary, you’ll notice on the ring, free floating section, the arms to the outer section are narrow: if necessary, these can be bladed and moving air/gases could also be incorporated. And let’s face it, the whole assembly is crazy scalable in all sorts of ways…

That design is a proof of concept: designed to be set up and let go – I’d imagine it’d stop at some point, and it’d be good to have an idea when…control can be taken – a mechanism to slide the floating section over and away of the cylinder section…this, of course, introduces moving parts…

If it works as well as I hope, then I can imagine variations of it in homes, cars, hospitals, plasma jet propulsion perhaps? In satellites and actually so many other things.

So world, if you wanna throw maths at it or build it and see what happens, go for it, consider it a freebie. If it works, great, take it, run with it; if not as well as hoped, maybe there’s still something that can be taken from it…who knows? Here’s a couple more images to give an idea….

Peace ✌

P.S. Also, carbon capture? How about you move hemp production to under the auspices of forestry or agriculture? It grows like fuck, soaks up a good bit of carbon; it can be made into hemp-create (housing?), it can be used in plastics (material sciences?), it can be used in textiles (fashion?), and more…

I am so high right now, I’m off to bed.