To Men

So, if you’re a man, and you believe you’re one of the good guys – ye know: you believe women and men are equal, and you show, in how you live your life – then this is for you……..incidentally, did it annoy you that I put ‘women’ first, there? You don’t need to answer, but if it did, think about that…..

Now. you may be reading this because you happened to come across it, or it was put under your nose, perhaps, by your female partner, or relative – I’m going to come back to them later, so it’s important you keep in them in mind…….I’m also gonna do my best to keep this as “Man Version” as I can……

Right now, women are in crisis. Around the world, women’s rights – hard won through blood, sweat, tears, and lives – are under attack; including in places where they really weren’t that great in the first place. Now I get you may not fully see this or understand this at the moment, but take a step back and think about the war on abortion, particularly in America, where the obscenity that is the state forcing 11 year old girls to carry their rapists babies to term…..America! Land of the free and all that! Really? And what about Sex Self ID being pushed through here in the UK, as part of GRA reforms, that will effectively abolish sex as a class, meaning women will no longer be able to access single sex spaces and services: they will be carved up and made accessible to any man…..just any man…and it would be a hate crime…a fucking HATE CRIME!! for any woman to challenge the presence of any man in their spaces……so long as he says the five magic words: “I identify as a woman”….he doesn’t need to be under any medical supervision; he doesn’t need to be on hormones, or indeed have had the surgery; he doesn’t even need to make any effort, of any kind, and to challenge him would be a hate crime: the women in your life will have no space away from dangerous and predatory males…….now while that sinks in, here’s an example of the madness that is Seld ID: not only MUST you believe and accept this person is a woman, you MUST also accept he is a lesbian too……oh, let me tell you: woe betide any actual lesbian who would refuse to “date” men like him because they have a penis…..

And if you really, really want to know just how bad this gets, once we’re done here, go read up on Jonathan (Jessica) Yaniv…….you will be horrified!!

So no doubt, women are in crisis, and they’re fighting back, but here’s the kicker: men are in crisis too. You know it; you feel it; everyday you see another report of a rape, or a woman murdered by an ex or current partner. You know it from your own experiences: from the denial of your emotions, to the reluctance in seeking medical advice. You know when time and time again, suicide reports show alarming rates in men. You know it, yet I bet you if you reflect deeply enough, you know that your behaviours when you interact with other men, actually re-enforce many of the harmful ideas that keep this going…..

Male on male violence is an epidemic, everywhere. Again, you know this: you feel it everytime you go out. There’s a toxicity that permeates males and masulinity, and it’s doing you untold damage.

So yes, women are in crisis, and men are in crisis, but do you know what’s not in crisis? Patriarchy. It’s not in crisis, it’s merrily going along imposing its will on the world….sure, it’s suffered some defeats, but let’s face it, things are getting worse, and that’s because that’s the way Patriarchy wants it….. It’s Patriarchy, and the socialisation it pushes on males, that demands you rein and control your emotions; it’s Patriarchy that demands males think of themselves as indestructable, and they always be tough – “tough it out!”, “Be a man!”. Patriarchy is playing you! It needs you to fill its ranks of Police, to manage its labour pool [society and communities]; it needs you to fill its ranks in the military, to carry out its wars for resources; it needs your physical labour to build its buildings, its roads, its oil rigs, its refineries, and cut down Earth’s forests, destroy its environments, and kill its animal species….It also needs you to distrust women, and you do….

You see, Patriarchy needs women to keep producing the future generations of cheaper and cheaper labour – hence all these abortion laws coming out. It needs men not to listen to women, about their lives and the challenges they face, because if you did, the whole thing might just collapse….. I’m gonna go out on a limb and make a prediction: when it comes to feminists (and I mean the proper ones, not the 3rd wave, libfem, sex work is empowering and all that jazz, mob), you are of the impression their complaints are over-exaggered, and it feels like they want to swap one set of double standards, for another set that go the other way, and you don’t really see where the “equal” thing is coming from… I said, you’re being played: for every advance that women have made to emancipate themselves from Patriarchy, Patriarchy has managed to frame this in the minds of men, as an attack on, and hatred of them. How often are the concerns of women truly listened to, without people thinking they’re exaggerating or making it up?……time and time again rapist, domestic abuser, and murderer walks free. How often are you so dismissive of the women in your life, I wonder….

But now we come to the kicker: just how bad is this? As a “Good Man”, surely you would know if it was really bad: you would have stepped in, stepped up, so it can’t be that bad, right?……well here’s where I want you to think about your wife/fiancee/partner, and if they’re in the room with you now, I want you to look into her eyes and realise that right now, the woman you claim to love, is in statistically the most dangerous place she can be: her own home….because you’re there, and this holds true for your mother with your father, or other partner; your sister and her man, and perhaps even your teenage daughter with her boyfriend. And even if you split up, she is still in a statistically very dangerous place, because it’s in “her own home”; in fact, if we strip that back a bit further, the statistically most dangerous thing a female can do, is get involved with a male in the first place!………..Now, let me ask you: is this to be the legacy of “Good Men” – epidemic violence against women and girls? if it all goes to shit tomorrow, do you think “Men”, who’d likely be the ones responsible anyway, will be remembered as having “Stepped in, or Stepped up”?…..’cause I don’t.

Now, that really should make you feel sick to the pit of your stomach! How could this be allowed to happen…..and more importantly: what the fuck are you going to do about it?

There’s a few things you could do: firstly, you gotta recognise that Patriarchy is NOT YOUR FRIEND!!! it’s ruining your lives, the lives of males of the future, and the lives of women and girls associated with them. Patriarchy deliberately drives you, as men, to distraction: from the demands on your emotions, through the socialisation that tells you “girl/woman” is the worst thing a human can be, and punishes heavily for any perceived “femininity”, to the brutal and violent pornography designed to obliterate the humanity of women, and reduce them to objects to be fucked, beaten, tortured, and degraded, and it works: men are behaving just as Patriarchy wants them to…..

The next thing you can do is stop watching porn! Think about it: is porn today the same as it was say, even 10 years ago? No, no it’s not! In fact, it’s a far cry from what it was: it’s far more violent than it ever was, and it’s getting worse……again, you fucking know this! But think about it: all those boys growing up today, with that kind of porn at their fingertips, what are they being taught about girls….your daughter, perhaps, or a niece, or even a younger sister……and we know porn is having a damaging effect on boy’s minds and sexual development:

For the love of all that is good, please recognise that prostitution is paid rape. I know recent 3rd wave libfem types will tell you it’s empowering for women, and sex work is work, it’s not, it’s exploitation pure and simple…. I’ve been to 3 meetings and watched Julie Bindel speak passionately about this subject; here is an article of hers in the telegraph – please take the time to read it, perhaps even buy her book:

Next, familiarise yourself with this diagram:

See all that stuff at the bottom of the pyramid, that shit! Stop that shit! If the stuff at bottom stops, the horrors above it stop too. If/when you’re out with your mates, and a beautiful women walks in, and that one dick of the group makes some joke about how he wouldn’t stop banging her, or some other misogynistic crap, don’t laugh; call him out on his shit…..if you laugh, it legitimises the misogyny in his head; so does your silence…

If you want a helpful guide on some of the quick ways you can help the women in your life, please read this excellent piece by the fabulous Dr Jessica Eaton:

Organise! Women have feminism which is their struggle for liberation from Patriarchy; you need to liberate yourselves from it too, and women can’t, and won’t, do it for you: it has to come from you! You must work with one another to dismantle this dangerous social system that harms the boys that become the men.

Next, I want you to read the following news article:

You’ll notice that the riot was started because men WANTED to hear Christabel Pankhurst speak, and started the fight against those who’d have her silenced. Plus, she actually had male supporters who were prepared to lend their muscle to her cause: be like those men! If there are feminist groups in your area, get involved as allies; attend their events, and make sure they’re heard.

But the most important thing of all: listen to the women in your life. Hear the stories they have to tell; don’t butt in or interrupt, just listen to the pain, and often fear, that’ll accompany the things they have to say. And for fuck sake DO NOT, “Not All Men Are Like That” over what she’s telling you: only when the problem is truly fixed will that even be remotely considered a legitimate response….

Now, before I go, I know you men are fond of big ideas, so here’s one for you: every man who’s ever had their life saved by a bulletproof vest, has Stephanie Kwolek to thank: she invented Kevlar. Every man who’s used a computer, has Ada Lovelace to thank. Every man who’s safely driven his car in the rain has Mary Anderson to thank: she invented windscreen wipers……If you want the Star Trek, sci-fi future where we’re trapsing between the stars and mining asteriods and stuff, guess what: you need women! If women and men can both liberate themselves for the slavery that is Patriarchy, our future could be incredible….

Oh, and tick tock, the world’s on fire: time ain’t a luxury you have right now…..